“Ignore the Clouds”
“Ignore the Clouds”
© Kurtis Monson 2017
Free your mind,
And the rest will follow.
The psych meds.
But oh, these pills,
Are getting harder to swallow.
And oh, winter chills.
Don’t ask me how we’re doing,
Cuz I never truly know.
I know I love her and I’m sorry,
Hoping from this we can grow.
The little pills keep my mind on
track,
But they’re quietly killing me
slowly.
Life’s little thrills keep me
confined in fact,
Knowing the life I live isn’t Holy.
What’s the price I pay for sanity
between my ears?
Going through life with growing
fears,
Knowing with these meds,
My health will decline in later
years,
Drowning in the ocean of tears.
Schizophrenic manic meltdowns are
distant memories it seems.
Somber sleeping tired pituitary gland
crystallized and dying.
Stuck in front of bright computer
screens.
Third eye blind, but both eyes
opened.
The symptoms are gone.
For that I’m grateful,
But the side effects will end my
time early.
Mortal fright, thoughtless flight,
Lucid dreams are vivid at night.
My aspirations are on the horizon,
Barely in sight,
In this mud we shall sit and wallow,
As goals are getting harder to
follow.
My mind was warped,
Fertile foundation for addiction to
grow.
Experimentation became a dire need,
I got so high, you don’t even know.
The higher I got,
The lower I sank,
Pain imposed by self,
With nobody to thank.
My head was in the clouds,
Then those clouds were in my head.
Next thing you know I couldn’t get
out of bed.
So I lived to get high,
Syphoned Hellish pain through a siv,
Just wanted to die,
Having nothing to give.
Fast forward now,
Past the homelessness,
Past the lost careers,
Past the petty crimes,
Past the failed classes,
Past teary years,
Past teary years,
Past the broken glass that left
scars on my left wrist to forearm.
Past the time I left the stars and
clouds in the sky.
How did I end up here?
Sober, clean, sane yet dreadfully
uncertain.
I have my goals,
I have my fun,
But do I have her heart?
Time will tell, He always does,
Making her happy is my new buzz.
I love God, this life and am
generally happy overall.
Yet I know I can slip and fall.
On a slippery road,
On a slippery slope,
At the bottom of which is a mountain
of dope.
Yet here I am, trying to cope, with
pills.
These meds.
These beds.
These dreads.
But oh,
These pills are getting harder to
swallow,
The course of my life maybe not so
hard to follow.
I’m glad I met her, and I’m glad I
didn’t die,
The clouds are finally out of my
head,
And have parted in the sky,
As the sun shines through,
As it pushes the demons aside,
I can feel the warmth,
As a prayer replied.
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